


Love does crazy, crazy things

by angelus_domini



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt Jensen, Jensen Plays Guitar, Jensen Singing, M/M, Pining, breakup phase, cockles break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 02:32:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7995430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelus_domini/pseuds/angelus_domini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never stray too far away from the path. <br/>That's what comfort zones are there for, aren't they.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love does crazy, crazy things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DeanRiordain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanRiordain/gifts).



> counterpart to LilitRiiordain's work 'That Crazy kind of Work'  
> Jensen's PoV

They all went out for dinner, or where ever. He stayed back, doesnt wanna see anyone. He doesnt feel like he'd be good company anyways. Those conventions are exhausting and keeping that facade up, playing the clown for the fans was all he could do right now. Keeping this on for the others would just be too much. He doesnt have much energy left. And the last thing he needs now is Misha's stupid, drunk face.   
He'd been strolling through the empty floors of the hotel, aimless, just to keep moving. As long as he was moving it would be okay. He could keep on going, keep this whole thing up. Anything else is no one else's business.  
Behind one of the countless doors, he finds the backstage area.   
The band equipment layed out on the floor, he hesitates for a moment to grab one of the guitars.  
It helps, sometimes. To distract himself, to set his mind elsewhere, to just let go. Music taps into emotions and clears them and set them free.  
He sits down on the side of the stage, makes sure no one is there, watching, listening. It's his music and his emotions. It would be too embarrassing if someone heard him playing ot worse, singing. That's his, all his. He strumms a few chords, messes up, tries to sing, messes up again. Like he always messes up. With everything. Because that's the kind of person he is. He 's not good at much. Sure, he's a decent actor and knows his way through social interactions. He learned it, to be polite and nice and humble and just be a decent human being in general. And that basically is enough for him to get by. Everything else in life is just a huge mess and to be avoided at all costs. Because sooner or later he will fuck up. Just this, this wasnt his fault.  
Or was it?

 

_I can feel her heart beat from a thousand miles_  
And the heavens open every time she smiles   
And I'm running to her, that's where I belong   
I'm running to her like a river's song 

 

He doesnt even like this song, and he doesnt even know, why he's singing it, or how Jason managed to get him record it or even sing on stage.  
Why did he even agree to that? And when? It's embarrassing and he's going to fuck up and everyone will be laughing at him, this is exactly what's gonna happen.   
That is the story of his life, it seems. People, coercing him into things he actually really doesnt wanna do, even his friends, his closest friends. Telling him, it's gonna be fun and it's gonna be good and getting him drunk so he says yes. To step out of his comfort zone and in the end, he's the one who has to suffer. Not his friends making him.  
Like, what did Misha even think he was doing there?  
He's not some puppy on a string and not a dancing monkey. This isnt a joke and not a game, not for him.   
He fucked up majorly.  
And it hurts.   
And hell knows he will never tell.  
This is just not how things go. His life was fine. It was a normal life and he was a normal man doing normal things. And no one had the right to just march in and tare down all the walls, especially not Misha.   
And not like that.  
What does that idiot even know? Walking around being weird and having the audacity to drag everyone with him. With this captivating smile and inspiring ideas and those eyes blue as the ocean, that make you wonder what miracles this world has to offer. With his stories he tells and all you want to do is grab his hand and run away to wherever the next adventure waits for you and not give a crap about anything. Where no one knows who you are and no one cared and it just can just be.

But this is just not how the world works. The world has an order, things just go a normal way. There are no adventures and no angels and you cant just run away and hold hands and....

He should have just let that weirdo be. Why did he even bother to talk to that guest star, tried to befriend him? He was just a guest actor and would have been gone again after a couple of episodes if he hadnt told them that Misha's cool.  
Stupid.  
Now he's here stuck with that dude and doesnt even know what to do with himself. 

 

_She's got a fine sense of humor when I'm feeling down_  
And I'm running to her when the sun goes down   
She takes away my trouble, she takes away my grief   
She takes away my heartache and I go right to sleep 

 

He shouldnt feel so good when Misha's around and it shouldnt come so easy. He was too vulnerable and he let him in too far. Way too far.  
It's just, so easy. Everything feels easy with Misha and fun and like a little adventure. It feels like they're swinging on the same frequency. Like it was always ment to be like that, he sometimes wonders if he lived life wrongly so far. And sometimes in these moments of joy and ease he forgets. And he forgot to keep his guard up. And it all came crushing down.  
It was too good to be true. Life is not easy and funny and no adventure.  
That's what you get for going on adventures, you get hurt.  
He went too far, way too far and he almost would have lost his way home.  
Back to how things used to be. There where he is save and he knows his way around. Never stray too far away from the path.   
That's what comfort zones are there for, aren't they. 

He puts the guitar down. The others will be back soon. He should get ready and smile and be nice. Everything's fine.

It just shouldnt hurt like that.


End file.
